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In this podcast episode, I’m joined by Executive Leadership Coach, and author Mary Gregory, who specialises in human-centred leadership, confidence and gender equity.
Together, we explore ego as a human defence system rather than a flaw, and how fear often sits behind leadership behaviours such as people pleasing, control and self-doubt. We look at how ego shows up differently for women, why many capable leaders hold themselves back, and what it takes to speak up and be heard without losing authenticity or falling into performative confidence.
Our conversation also examines how culture, conditioning and gender dynamics shape behaviour at work, why curiosity matters more than judgement in global and diverse teams, and why confidence is not fixed but something that ebbs and flows. We reflect on why leadership grounded in self-awareness, inclusion and humanity will be increasingly essential.
Mary’s purpose is to create workplaces where everyone has the opportunity to thrive and contribute their talent fully. Her work integrates deep psychological insight with practical leadership tools, enabling her clients to expand their thinking, navigate ego and conditioning, and take courageous, positive action.
What you will learn in this episode:
- How ego unconsciously shapes leadership behaviour.
- When ego gets in the way of leadership.
- How women can move beyond ego patterns that hold them back.
- How culture and conditioning intersect with judgement and curiosity.
- What authentic confidence looks like in practice.
Find out more:
Episode overview:
Ego, Confidence and Leading with Humanity
Leadership conversations often touch on confidence, presence and influence, but far less openly about ego, particularly the quieter forms of ego that shape how many leaders show up day to day. In a recent podcast episode, I sat down with Executive Leadership Coach, and author Mary Gregory to explore ego, gender, culture in 2026.
Rethinking Ego, Not a Flaw but a Defence System
Ego is often spoken about as something negative, something to suppress or get rid of. Mary reframes this completely. Ego, she explains, is a psychological defence system, developed early in life to keep us safe. It operates largely on automatic pilot, guiding how we react to situations, especially when fear or uncertainty is present.
The challenge is not that our ego exists, but that many of the strategies we learned when we were younger no longer serve us in leadership roles. What once helped us fit in, avoid conflict or stay safe can later limit our confidence, our voice and our impact.
When Ego Gets in the Way of Leadership
One of the most powerful parts of our conversation focused on how ego shows up in everyday leadership behaviour. People pleasing, avoiding difficult conversations, needing control, holding back in meetings, or insisting it must be done your way, these are all expressions of ego driven by fear.
Importantly, Mary highlights that ego has different faces. There is the obvious, overinflated ego, loud, dominant and highly visible. But there is also the underinflated ego, far more common among women, where self-doubt, silence and playing small can take hold.
Both are driven by the same thing, fear, and both can limit leadership effectiveness.
The Gendered Experience of Ego
We explored the gendered nuance in how ego plays out at work. Many women have been socialised to prioritise harmony, relationships and the needs of others. This often shows up as people pleasing, reluctance to speak up, or worrying about being seen as too aggressive.
Women frequently sit in meetings with strong ideas and valuable perspectives, yet hesitate to contribute. The internal dialogue is familiar- ‘what if I upset someone?’, ‘what if I look foolish?’, ‘what if I am judged?’
Mary shares practical ways to navigate this, from starting by simply asking a question to get your voice into the room, to using humour to reclaim an idea that has been overlooked or taken over by someone else.
Culture, Judgement and Curiosity
Because the podcast sits at the intersection of leadership and cultural intelligence, we also explored how ego is shaped by culture. Communication styles, expectations around certainty, directness and hierarchy vary widely across countries and organisational cultures.
The danger is judgement. When we judge, we are firmly in ego. When we become curious, asking why someone might approach things differently, we open up connection, learning and innovation.
Curiosity, Mary argues, is one of the most underused leadership capabilities, particularly in global and diverse teams.
Authentic Confidence Is Not Constant
Another myth we challenged is that confident leaders are confident all the time. In fact, Mary expressed it as confidence is meant to ebb and flow (like the sea tide). Even the most senior leaders experience moments of doubt, fatigue or uncertainty.
Authentic confidence comes not from pretending you have all the answers, but from being connected to your values, your humanity and your capacity to respond thoughtfully rather than react automatically. It also means understanding context, knowing when to share vulnerability and when to focus on action and direction.
Leadership Looking Ahead to 2026
As we closed this conversation, Mary sees leadership shifting towards greater humanity. Collaboration, empathy, listening and inclusion are no longer optional extras, they are core capabilities.
The challenges organisations face are systemic and complex. No single leader has all the answers. Leadership now requires connection, with people, with difference and with the wider system we operate in.
If this resonated, I encourage you to listen to the full podcast episode (link above).
