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Conflict happens. What matters is how we interpret it and how we respond.
In this podcast episode, I share a powerful tool I experienced recently in training with Chloe O’Sullivan from War to Peace, that completely shifted how I think about disagreement, tension and challenging conversations.
The Spiral of Disempowerment™ offers a clear, practical framework to separate observable facts from assumptions, and to recognise the role we can play in maintaining conflict.
In global teams, where cultural dynamics shape how we interpret behaviour, this distinction becomes even more critical. We often move from facts to meaning at speed, and that interpretation drives our reactions. Those reactions then influence how others perceive us, creating a loop that is hard to break.
This episode walks you step by step through the four stages of The Spiral of Disempowerment™ and invites you to apply it to a real situation you are currently facing.
What you will learn in this episode:
- How to distinguish between observable behaviour and personal interpretation
- Why we so quickly move from fact to meaning in conflict
- How your reactions influence how others perceive you
- Why conflict escalates when we try to control what we cannot
- What is genuinely within your sphere of control
- How to pause and choose a different response
When we focus only on what others are doing and how they are acting, the spiral continues as we continue to react. When we focus on what we can control, our perception and our response, the dynamic shifts.
Reflection questions:
- Where are you currently looping in a conflict situation?
- What assumptions are you treating as facts?
Download the The Spiral of Disempowerment™ tool below and apply it to a live situation.
If this episode resonates, I would genuinely love to hear what you discover. Message me on LinkedIn and share your reflections.
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Episode overview:
The Spiral of Disempowerment™, A Practical Way to Break Conflict Loops
Conflict is not going anywhere. It shows up in teams, in partnerships, in leadership conversations and, if we are honest, in our own internal dialogue. The question is not whether conflict exists, but whether we understand how we are participating in it.
Recently, I attended a powerful training session with Chloe O’Sullivan from War to Peace, and one tool in particular helped me see my own patterns with uncomfortable clarity. The tool is called The Spiral of Disempowerment™, and I have found myself returning to it repeatedly since.
I want to share it with you because it offers something simple and deeply practical, a way to separate fact from interpretation, and to recognise where you genuinely have control.
Why Conflict Spirals
When we are in disagreement with someone, especially in a professional context, we tend to believe the issue lies with them. They did not respond. They were dismissive. They interrupted. They were unhelpful.
Very quickly, we move from what happened to what it means.
That jump from observable behaviour to interpretation is where The Spiral of Disempowerment™ begins. We assign motive, we label behaviour, we attach emotion. Then we respond based on that interpretation, not on the original facts.
In global teams, this is even more complex. Cultural differences shape expectations around communication, deadlines, hierarchy and directness of communication. What feels disrespectful or rude to one person may feel entirely neutral or professional to another.
Without pausing, the dynamic loops. We react. They respond to our reaction. We interpret that response. And so it continues.
The Four Stages of The Spiral of Disempowerment™
The Spiral of Disempowerment™ breaks this down into four stages, which I share here. To download your own template to activate this exercise, access it here: https://halcyonglobal.co.uk/spiral-of-disempowerment/
1. They Do
This is the observable behaviour. Imagine a video camera capturing the situation. What would it record?
For example, you sent an email clearly stating that you needed a response within two days. Three days later, there is no reply. That is the fact. No interpretation, no emotion, no story. This first step alone can be challenging and take time to pull out the facts.
2. I Perceive
Now comes the meaning. You may perceive the lack of response as unprofessional, disrespectful or dismissive. You perceive them as unhelpful, focused on their own individual and team needs, and uncollaborative.
These perceptions feel true. But they are interpretations layered onto the facts.
3. I Do or Become
Your perception drives your behaviour. You might feel frustrated, ignored or undervalued. You might complain about the person to colleagues. You might avoid them or act coldly toward them in the next meeting. You might send a sharply worded follow-up. You might confront them angrily.
This is the moment where The Spiral of Disempowerment™ gains momentum.
4. They Perceive
This is often the most uncomfortable stage. Remove the context and look only at your behaviour in isolation. How might they interpret your behaviour without knowing your perceptions of them?
Perhaps they see you as aggressive, cold or impatient. Their perception then shapes their next behaviour towards you.
And so the loop continues.
What This Tool Reveals
Two core ideas are key.
First, how quickly we jump from fact to meaning. We rarely stay long enough in the observable box. We assume intent. We fill in the gaps. We create narratives that feel convincing without knowing the full story.
Second, how little control we have over certain parts of The Spiral of Disempowerment™. We cannot control what they do. We cannot control how they perceive us. We can attempt to influence, but not dictate.
What we can control sits with our own perceptions and our actions and behaviours.
This is not about self-blame, it is about choice. If we want to break The Spiral of Disempowerment™, we must start with what is within our sphere of control.
The Cultural Dimension
In culturally diverse environments, assumptions multiply. Expectations about urgency, tone, hierarchy and communication styles vary widely.
One person’s directness may be another person’s rudeness. One person’s silence may be another person’s considered and respectful reflection.
The Spiral of Disempowerment™ helps us question our assumptions before they harden into assumptions and judgements.
Call to Action, Next Steps
Choose one live conflict or tension and apply the The Spiral of Disempowerment™ properly: https://halcyonglobal.co.uk/spiral-of-disempowerment/.
Work through each section carefully. If the fourth stage feels difficult, ask a trusted colleague or friend to sense check your behaviour in isolation.
Then decide on one action you are willing to take.
Conflict rarely resolves because we force someone else to see our point of view or try to make them change. It shifts when we pause, question our interpretations and choose a different response.
If you would like to experience the full tool, I have included a link in the show notes to download it directly from War to Peace.
The choice is – remain in the spiral, or step out of it with intention.
